


Through The Dark

by things__icant17



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Cupcakes, Domestic Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Past Relationship(s), Secret Crush
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-17
Updated: 2018-02-05
Packaged: 2018-10-06 16:25:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,409
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10339032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/things__icant17/pseuds/things__icant17
Summary: So my world endedBut nothing changed aroundThe trees are still greenAnd the sky is still blue…I broke into piecesBut my whole body is soundThe waves still flowAnd the sun still shines…Then you came aroundAnd suddenly it all changedThough the pain did not endBut now I know that I can live through it….Or where Harry is a baker and Louis is his neighbour. The only problem is that Louis never smiles.A secret admirer is all it takes...





	1. Chapter 1

 

  _ **Harry's POV**_

 

"What do you want?",I asked as I looked at my alarm clock "at 3 am". Gus, my cute little Jack Russel, could be a total arse sometimes if you ask me.

"Woof...woof",he just kept licking my face, barking happily, as if the sun was shining bright outside. Sighing, I pushed him onto my comforter from my chest. Maybe if I just pat him, he will give up on making me loose one more hour of sleep.

To my relief, he was asleep in about 5 minutes, and soon I followed. Hitting the off button on my alarm, I woke up at 4, but I swear it felt like it had just been 2 minutes since I last closed my eyes. It was going to be a very long day.

As I got ready for my early shift in the bakery, I made sure to give Gus some food so he won't be hungry when I came back at 8 am. I would come home for a break and would again leave for a days worth of dealing with costumers at 9 am again.

Although I loved the bakery, but it really was a tough job to wake up at arse crack of dawn to open it and get the things ready before the rest of the staff came. 'HoneyBuns' yeah, that's my lifetime achievement if I must say. I had put my everything into this bakery, and if I had to loose a few hours of sleep over it, I didn't mind really.

As I was walking to the bakery, walking as it was only two blocks away, my phone started ringing in my pocket. "Mum" I was so happy to hear her voice in the morning. God, I missed her so much. This,having my own bakery, didn't really spare a room for holiday and consequently family time.

It had been 7 months since I'd last seen her. "Hi love, how have you been?" Mum asked me in her soothing voice. "I'm good mum, I just miss you. How are you and Robin?"

"We are fine love and we miss you too you know?" She said and I could clearly hear it in her voice, how much she wanted to come here to meet me. "I wish I could come there Harry, but you know how it is".

"Yes mum I understand and I think I'll come home soon, Niall won't burn the place down for a few days without me,I think" I chuckled. Mum also laughed on the other line "It'd be good to see you baby". She said and I knew she was smiling.

"Take care mum I'll see you soon...love you" I said as I started thinking about talking to Niall about my holiday, today itself. "You too Harry, love you too." Mum said as she hung up the phone.

It was the first time after uni that I was living alone. And I don't know it felt more real this time. Like I just couldn't run to my mum's arms, if I had any problems. Although I knew I was welcome home, any time, day or night. But it was just that I wasn't her little baby anymore, I had to face up to my problems and be a man.

As I opened the bakery and started getting the things ready, time passed by in a blur. I heard the bell on the door, signaling the arrival of a certain Leprechaun. I smiled "Good morning Niall".

"Ugh Harry tell me how do you do it? Wake up at fucking 4 am and still smile like that?" He seemed irritated. "Still hungover?" I asked raising my brows.

"Yeah, its alcohol and it calls me, its in me blood, can't help it you know?" He said, as he slumped down on a desk. "Here take these and rest for a bit you'll feel much better" I presented him with a water bottle and 2 ibuprofen tabs.

"I love you to the moon you know that right?" Niall said, beaming, and I thought, if there was a way that the Irish could be grumpy for more than 5 minutes? I finally decided no there absolutely was not!!

"I know, I love you too...so just get better and help me so I can go home and get back here on time" I said I stared putting the fresh batch of muffins in the display.

"You mean so you can creep on the one with the cheekbones, so you won't miss him while he leaves the building at 9. Am i right?" He said wiggling his eyebrows, like the annoying person he is, sometimes.

"For the record I don't creep on him. He just seems so sad, it breaks my heart", to be honest, I just wanted to help him, if there was something I could do to make him smile I would do it. Although it was confusing, as to why I felt such a pull towards him. Pushing the thought away for now, I started finishing up for the morning.

"Bye Niall, I'll be back soon", I said in his general direction, since he was in the back taking care of the next batch, that was being baked. As I left the shop, I also met Perrie and Jade, who were the other two workers along with Niall.

Walking back home, I just couldn't stop thinking. Why was he always so closed off? Those blue eyes were so empty, it was painful to look at them even that one time that I had the chance to. He was beautiful and sad like a well drawn painting, that you could not decide weather to be amazed or to cry.

"Oh! Sorry", I apologized "I wasn't looking where I was going I'm so sorry", I said to the person I had bumped into. I was met with the very same blue eyes, that had been reason that I didn't see the person in the first place.

"It's OK", he said as he moved past me, quickly picking up the newspaper and leaving as fast as he had come.

Once inside, realization hit me, that he had pink around the blue, and his eyes had been puffy, like instead of sleeping he'd been crying all night. My heart clenched at the thought, I just wanted to knock on his door and make it all better.

I scolded myself for being so naive "like he won't think you're a weirdo for doing that", I said to myself. Ugh I think i was going crazy maybe. "Come on boy, let's go for a walk", I called Gus and he obliged, happily wagging his tail. I needed some fresh air and so did my overthinking brain.

Once back from the walk I had breakfast and got ready for going back to the shop. At least I won't have think about the boy, since I'll be busy with customers.

So, we again met in the lift, same time 8:50. And again there was a nod to my hello. I wish he'd do me the honor of telling his name someday. But today, as he was leaving the main gate, I whispered a small "hope you have a nice day", to which there was a timid "you too", whispered back.

I counted it as a win. And its not my fault entirely that I kept smiling, thinking of the small "you too".


	2. Chapter 2

**Louis’ POV**

“Hi…umm so what are you doing friday?” Liam, my boss, and sort of friend asked me as we were about to close the bookshop and go home. “Nothing, why?” I asked, unsure of where this was going. “I just thought you could come out with me and some of my friends” he offered. “I’m sorry Liam, I can’t” I refused, I just wasn’t in the mood to socialize.

His face fell for a second, but then he soon recovered “it’s okay mate, maybe some other time”.

“Yeah, sure” I nodded, although I could clearly hear the lie in my voice. Liam smiled all the none, waving bye. As I headed home, my mind flooded with the images that were the reason of my sleepless nights these days. God knows I didn’t want to dwell on the fact that I moved to London. As soon as I closed the door to my apartment I felt a wave of hopelessness attack me. Tears wanted to come out, but I won’t let them. Pushing all the dreadful thoughts aside I went on my bed.

Sleep wasn’t an easy thing these days. My stomach growled, protesting for food, it needed more than an apple and two slices of bread a day I knew that. Ignoring the feeling, my hand automatically went on my phone. I wanted to call her and tell her I’m sorry, but I knew it was not enough. No matter how hard I try, I won’t be able to take back the things I did.

Between thinking about what I could and couldn’t have done, I don’t know when the sleep took over me. I jolted awake at 3:30 am, from the same nightmare I had been having for days. Every time I woke up I felt empty, lifeless all over again. As if the gaping hole that I felt in my chest wasn’t a reminder enough, the event on phone made the pain 1000 times worse. It was 15th March, it was her birthday.

I had to leave at 9 so I still had around 6 fucking hours to kill. Lighting up a cigarette, I started pacing in my tiny living room. It wasn’t enough to distract me from the thoughts that came creeping back even if I took a second to breathe.

I finally decided on watching telly to get my mind off of things. A sound outside my door woke me up at 8:15. There wasn’t any knock so I didn’t bother myself with opening it. After a shower and getting ready I felt a bit better since I knew I won’t be dwelling on reality once I was working. It felt good to forget everything for a second.

As I opened my door to leave, I was surprised to find a cute little cupcake in a plastic box along with a note sitting under it. Picking up the box along with the note, I could not help but think that the person delivering it must have had the address mistaken. Who would send me a cupcake? No one knew me here.

Keeping the fact aside I decided to read the note, I did feel bad for reading a note that was most definitely meant for someone else, but I couldn’t help myself. There were just four simple lines written on a messy crawl that was weirdly beautiful in its own way.

**Roses are red**

**Violets are blue**

**I would like to see**

**A smile on you**

The note ended with a smiley in the corner. To be honest I was a little weirded out by the fact that someone was sending me a note. Because I was definitely sure the note was meant for me, I should be scared, but there was a cupcake so how bad it could be?

Pocketing the note I locked my door. I could eat the cupcake for lunch. I was well aware of the amount of food I had been eating these past days but it wasn’t something I could help. As I headed towards the lift I knew I’d see the curly haired boy again. I didn’t know why he kept talking to me every day even though I never replied to him like any decent person would.

I did not hate him or anything, it was just that the place I was in right now, nobody would want to talk to me after even getting a glimpse of it. Then why bother with making small talk? Promises held no meaning words could always be forgotten.

 

_*Flashback*_

  _The cold night air was biting my skin as I walked on the empty road. I could not stop the tears even if I wanted to. What have I gotten myself into? Where should I go now? I kept asking myself the same question again and again. With trembling hands I tried to call one last person that I thought might still be by my side._

  _“Z-Zayn?” I asked as my voice trembled._

_“Lou…are you allright? What happened?” I heard him say, he was worried I could hear it in his voice. “C-Can I come to your house?” I asked timidly, afraid that he might say no._

_“Yes Lou, you never have to ask you know that, what happened bebs you don’t sound okay” after a pause he added “I am worried about you.”_

_“I-I’ll explain when I meet you there” I said sniffling. As I hung up I gathered myself for a night that was very long and very very dark._

_*Flashback Ends*_

 

“Hey, Its ground floor” I heard a deep voice telling me, ofcource it  was curly. What?? Did I just give him a nickname in my head. Shaking my head slightly, I got off the lift. “umm thank you” I said. No matter how hard I tried that night never ended for me. It was like I was living every single second of that night every day.

 “No problem, have a nice day” curly said as he smiled with a dimpled cheek. Once I actually looked at him he was very pretty, though my eyes barely focused on the emeralds for mere seconds, I couldn’t help but look away quickly. I couldn’t do this, no never again. I just turned and left in a hurry without uttering a single word. I knew it was not civil, neither was it the right way to act like that with someone who is smiling at you and wishing you a nice day.

 Once inside the bookstore I felt much better. These books were my escape from the painful reality, but they were also a reminder of a life that I wanted. I had applied at some schools for the English degree that had been my lifelong dream. Although I did not know if I could get it together to ever study again.

 There was  this thing about being practically abandoned by your family. And never having enough money was one of them. I only had Zayn to thank for the fact that I wasn’t homeless, since it was his uncle’s house that I was living in as his uncle mostly just stayed abroad for his business. And he was generous enough to let me live there without spending a penny.

 I missed Zayn and I missed home, I missed all of it. I just could not come to terms with the fact that my father had abandoned me in a heartbeat. I wish there was a way I could make everything go back to where it was before.

 I heard my phone ringing in my pocket and my heartbeat accelerated, seeing the caller id I took a deep breath “ Hi Z,  how are you?” I asked, it was a relief to hear my best friend’s voice.

 “I’m fine Lou, I just missed you so I called. And I wanted to tell you a good news as well” I could practically hear him smiling on the other line. “Tell me, and I miss u too a lot” I said as I felt more and more homesick with every second.

“I got accepted in an art school in London, so I will meet you soon….” He said, and suddenly my day wasn’t so bad anymore. “Oh my god! Z that feels like the best news I’ve heard in years, I can’t wait to see you” I said full on beaming after god knows how long.

 “Me too bebs, I’ll be there in about a week, see you soon, take care yeah?” his voice went soft towards the end. “I will and love you Z” I said. “Love you too” he said as he hung up the call.

 Yes I never thought I’d be standing here at a point in my life where everything felt as empty and lifeless as dirt on the ground. But I had Zayn, at least I had one person with me, so it did make me feel a bit better about everything.

 “Hi Liam” I said cheerfully, and it was not my fault that I let out a short chuckle when I saw his startled face. Usually it was always him who would come to me every morning saying hello and making a sad face at my halfhearted reply. But he recovered soon, “Hello Louis, its great to see you in a good mood today” he said smiling brightly, he had such kind eyes.

 “I am actually and I’m sorry for being a total arse these past days” I apologized. “it's okay” he said “you don’t have to apologize for anything”.

 Smiling he went away to the other corner of the shop to help a little girl with selecting a storybook. Even though I may have lost a lot in the past but I had also gained a lot since coming to this new place, with that thought in my mind I started my work on the counter, and the day was a little better than yesterday.

 


	3. Chapter 3

**Louis’ POV**

“Ugh…” I rolled over in my bed covering my head with the blanket. It was Saturday and the sun was blinding. Why did it have to shine when I fucking felt dark inside. I thought maybe once I could count on London weather, but no that was apparently not the case.

The only thing waking me up in the morning was I’d see Zayn soon.

It was more like an afternoon since it was 11:50 as I checked my phone. As usual the nightmare won’t let me sleep. I had barely closed my eyes at 2:30 in the morning when I was again awake and sweating at 3 fucking am. That was the time I started regretting saying no to Liam’s offer. Maybe if I was drunk enough it’d be easier to just sleep.  

It was always the same spiral of nothingness, the nightmare, one second I saw her face and the other I was walking into the dark night calling for her over and over again.

To say that the nightmare was painful was an exaggeration; it was the part that came after it that made me want to end this. End everything and just sleep. For once I wanted to just think about myself and let the nothingness take me. Ah! But I couldn’t do that either. Because I was told that, that was what cowards did those who were simply too afraid to see the light at the end of a dark night.

Sighing, I got up to make toast and tea as I was pretty sure that if my thoughts didn’t kill me, lack of food definitely will. Finally Zayn will be here, someone I could always rely on. He was the only person I trusted enough with all that I had left in my life.

A walk outside seemed a very nice idea at this point. Lighting a cigarette, I was just locking my door when something bumped on my feet, a cute little Jack Russell. Smiling I bent down to pick him up in my arms.

“Hey buddy, you are very cute you know” I said scooping him up into my arms, as he started licking my face. Laughing I tried to placate him from all the excitement he was showing. “You know someone must be really worried for you” I said in a soft voice as he had a collar on. He looked at me with so much attention with those puppy eyes that for once you would think that he understood everything I said.

I felt so light while holding him that for a split second I wished that no one comes to find him.

But obviously the moment I got up I was met with emerald eyes; I should’ve known something so adorable would belong to some someone so cute. Is this lack of outside air? What the hell am I thinking? I face palmed mentally.

“Hi” said curly, dimples on full display and for once I could not stop myself from smiling back. “Hi” I said as the puppy kept licking my face.

“Seriously, Gus am I that bad that you keep running from me?” he asked looking at the puppy, pouting at him and if I thought that the puppy was adorable I was so fucking wrong at this moment. It was a crime to make that face, in my opinion. That face was the reason people would commit murder and happily go to jail.

Shaking away the thoughts I tried to concentrate on what he was saying to me. By the looks of it he had repeated it several times before I was aware enough to listen to what he was actually saying.

“umm…I’m so sorry, he just finds it hilarious for me to run after him” he said confusedly, great now he must be thinking I’m a nut who keeps spacing out every time he’s around. “Oh! Its fine really, he’s very cute and a little ball of energy” I replied.

“Thank you” he said with a smile, and again I could not help but stare at those dimples popping out, oh was that a blush I could see? I was surely mistaken. “Were you going out?” he asked in that deep gravelly voice. Was there anything lacking in this man? I considered myself lucky if I could just reply him on time rather than staring at him.

“Yes actually I was gonna go for a walk, I know it’s pretty late but it seemed like a good idea a few minutes ago” I replied laughing, it sounded weird to my own ears. Why was I getting nervous? There was something about this man that just made me fidget and fumble with my words.

“I was also going for a walk when Gus decided to play hide and seek with me…” he said, petting the pup, which I noticed was still in my arms. “Hey you could come along…he seems to like you a lot” he said his eyes questioning.

Yesterday I was not ready to socialize and today I was nodding yes to a certain curly boy whose dimpled smile was to be blamed for that. I could not help but notice how easy it was to breathe when he was around. It was like I was not in a new place running from my past.

As we got out of the building I put Gus down and he was happy to trot in the front.

“Oops I did not properly introduce myself, I’m Harry” he broke the silence. “I’m Louis” I said smiling, I think this was the most I had smiled since that night.

“So you are new in the building” he started asking, or saying I could not be sure but he was so kind to just be trying to make a conversation with me, when in the past few days I had nothing but ignored him.

Deciding to be civil for once I tried to make an effort “New in the city actually, I moved here a few days ago”.

“You’ll like this place I think, hey if you want I could show you around some time?” he asked, looking downwards as if he was contemplating whether it was right for him to ask me that.

“Yeah sure, I look forward to that” I replied smiling more and more each time, like it was a natural response to when I looked at him.

Rest of the walk went by in silence. As we headed back to our building, I was happy that I made the decision to go out. I had not smiled in days like that; it ought to count as a good thing. It was a relief even if it was temporary, even if I know that as soon as the door to my apartment closed I’m going to be sucked into the black hole of my own thoughts.

As I was about to say bye he turned around and said “Hey Louis, if u need anything I’m right across the hall”. He looked at me with kind eyes, like he could see what was going on inside. No I won’t let that happen, he didn’t need to know the fucked up version of me thank you very much.

“Yeah sure thanks Harry, bye” I said with a tight smile this time, the dark thoughts were creeping back and I needed to be alone right now. As I went inside I didn’t even wait for him to reply. Awesome now he must think that I am Bi Polar or something.

I wish she was here. How could god, take away everything from me in a matter of months, if there existed one. Honestly what did I do to lose all that I had with a blink of an eye? It was never quiet at home on a Saturday, but now this silence was driving me insane. There was a time when, if you got an hour to yourself was a gift from heavens, or so it felt like at that time. But now if you asked me, I would give up everything to hear those shrieks of four girls fighting and babies crying over small things.

 

_***Flashback*** _

_“Noooo mum I’m going to Zayn’s tonight” I whined for the 100 th time._

_“Listen honey, I have a night shift today, you can go tomorrow love, can’t you?” my mum pleaded._

_“But mum then why Lottie is allowed to go?” I complained, pouting, thinking maybe it would get me what I wanted._

_“You know she’s been waiting for a week, I promise you can go tomorrow boo” she said patting my shoulder._

_I felt my resolve crumbling. I had always been mummy’s boy._

_“Okay, but tomorrow I’m going” I said making a face._

_“Definitely” she replied smiling, and I felt myself smiling soon._

_“Bye boo, be back soon” she said kissing my forehead as she left for her shift at the hospital._

_***Flashback ends*** _

 

And before I knew I was full on sobbing, wishing this pain to end once and forever. “Mum I need you so bad….I miss you” I said into the empty space, hoping that she could hear me.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here goes the fourth chapter  
> Hope you all like it  
> Again sorry for any mistakes
> 
> All the love <3

_**Harry’s POV** _

“Yeah sure thanks Harry, bye” he went away as soon as he came. That was weird. Okay what did I do now?

The thought wouldn’t leave my mind as I walked towards the bakery, was it wrong for me to offer help or did I offend him in some other way? I was confused and worried at the same time.

My head was hurting a lot but I managed to finally reach the bakery. After reaching the quiet and sweet smelling confines of the shop, I ignored my headache and started working.

“That’ll be 2.40” I said as I packed 2 scones and a butterfly cake for a girl, who by the way would not stop staring at Perrie. “Ahem…here’s your order” I repeated as she looked at me startled.

“Oh… umm thanks” the girl looked down blushing. As she was handing me the money she was looking at Pez all the way to the other side of the counter.

“Hey, why don’t you go say hi?” I suggested when she was about to leave.

“What?”

“I mean why don’t you go say hi to Perrie?” I said smiling, slightly tilting my head towards Perrie.

“No I don’t think she’ll like that very much” She said fidgeting with her hands “What if she thinks I’m some sort of a creep…well I’ve been practically drooling over her for the past 15 minutes” she laughed shaking her head.

“Trust me she would like that” I said smiling.

“Yeah maybe tomorrow, anyways thanks” she replied and went out taking one last look at her.

As there was not much work to do at the moment my mind kept wandering back to the thoughts of Louis.

The universe worked in weird ways, someday you are just going to see this person and they just won’t leave your mind. Even though you don’t know them from atom it will all be just a familiar air around them that makes you think that they’d been around all your life.

I was in my own world thinking about Louis when I felt someone tap on my shoulder.

“Haz, are you all right?” Niall asked looking worried.

“Yeah I’m fine, why?” my head was hurting other than that I was fine.

“Your face is flushed mate” he said worriedly. “You’re burning up!” he said checking my forehead.

“I had a headache when I woke up but I thought it’ll get better on its….” Before I could complete, the sneezing started. Great I had the flu, now that’s just what I needed.

“I think you should rest, go home, I’ll manage it in here. Call me if you need anything” Niall said as he rushed me out of the shop.

As soon as I reached my apartment I realized I had forgotten my keys at the bakery. Great, could this day get any better than this. At this point I could barely stand up, there was no way that I was going to be able to walk all the way back to the bakery. Thankfully Niall was gonna bring me the keys in an hour or so.

“Hey, are you okay?” I heard someone asking, accompanied by a shake to my shoulder shortly after.

“Hmm…” as soon as I opened my eyes there was blue, lots of blue. But before I could answer the sneezing began.

“Yes I’m fine…must’ve dozed off” I said embarrassed. Wow I had to get locked out today out of all the days.

“Oh Curly, was it so hard to unlock the door…you could’ve called me, I’m just across the hall you know?” he said smiling mischievously, and I knew right then that this Louis was my favorite. The endearment made me red to the tips of my ears, ugh how was I expected to control my reactions.

“Ha..ha, left my keys at the ba…umm at my friend’s house, just waiting for him” I replied holding my breath and hoping that he did not notice my slip up.

“Come on you look like you have the flu, you can rest at mine while you wait for your friend” he offered smiling in a way that left crinkles by his eyes, and my god was he beautiful. And it’s been fifteen seconds and I should reply, shouldn’t I?

“I’ll even make tea and I bet my couch is be more comfortable than this wall here” he said, looking at me confusedly like I was not convinced enough and that was clearly not the case.

“Yeah okay and thank you” I replied nodding at bit too fast than was considered normal which made me realize that my neck and back were stiff from sleeping while leaning against the wall. Wincing from pain I got up to follow him.

It wasn’t like I didn’t trust him or anything; it was more like I did not trust myself around him to act all normal and not gawk at him openly after every five seconds.

As soon as I entered the apartment I felt myself dwindling face first on to the floor when thankfully Louis caught me. “ooooff” my head was spinning as I straightened myself, universe had some very well formulated plans to embarrass me in front of the only person I wanted to impress.

“I’m so sorry, so so so sorry” he started apologizing while collecting all the clothes and random pairs of shoes strewn all over the floor.

“It’s ok Louis, you don’t have to apologize” I said chuckling at the way he was franticly collecting all his things flitting nervously through the living room.

Sighing he dumped all his clothes in the corner “ugh I give up…I’ll make you a cuppa”.

As I was walking towards the couch I could not help but stare at the way Louis was smiling in one of the pictures hanging on the wall, with him stood four beautiful girls with the same smile.

“Here you go” he said putting down a steaming cup of tea in front of me on the table.

“Thanks, I’m sorry if I’m troubling you.”

“No worries mate” he said.

“You have a lovely family” I said sipping my tea which made the pain in my throat a little more bearable.

As soon as the words left my mouth I could practically feel him tensing up all the way from across the couch. “Yeah, ummm thanks” and the frown on his face clearly indicated that I should’ve just kept my mouth shut. He must miss them a lot.

“I miss my family too, was actually planning to go see them soon” I said sighing.

“That’s great, you should” he replied, looking away from me but too late to hide the pain that was screaming through his eyes.

And all I wanted to do in that moment was to hug him tight and ask him what was wrong, but judging by the thing that happened this morning, I was afraid to scare him off. And plus I could not keep my head up and Niall was nowhere to be seen.

The next time I woke up was to my phone ringing. Confusedly I looked around to realize that this was not my room and I was covered in a blanket. Looking at my phone I saw four missed calls from Niall.

The phone started ringing for the fifth time when I saw Louis emerging from his bedroom, looking all soft with his hair sticking in all directions. And the reason that I wanted to just hold him was unclear even to me, it was just irrational.

“Hey” he waved, covering a yawn with the other hand.

“Hi…umm sorry for waking you up, I think my friend is waiting outside, thanks for the tea and letting me sleep” I said feeling awkward for falling asleep while Louis was sitting right there.

“Oh don’t worry about that, you feel better now?” he asked looking a bit concerned and I won’t say that I didn’t like it.

“Yeah much better” I replied, still not over the feeling that I wanted to talk more to this angel in a human’s form front of me. “See you around Lou” I said walking to the door as Niall won’t stop ringing and I could practically hear him swearing from the hallway.

“Bye Curly” he smiled with crinkling eyes and suddenly I felt so much better even though I was sick earlier.

The more I thought about Louis the scarier it got. How was I supposed to think anything other than him? Each time I looked into the pain that was so obvious in his eyes, it settled a deep ache inside my bones. I knew this was not normal, I mean to be so attached to someone without even knowing them.

At this very second all I knew was I wanted him to be happy. And on the other hand I was not sure if he even wanted me around.

All this stuff was driving me crazy when I heard Niall “Oh thank god, where the hell have ya been Haz, I’ve called you like a thousand times” he shouted with a sigh of relief.

“Nothing I was just across the hallway, slept beside the door so Louis invited me in” I said while unlocking the door.

“Oooooh so how was the first date” he asked in an obnoxiously sweet voice.

“It was not a date I was sick and he made me tea and I fell asleep on his couch” I said covering my face with both hands, feeling stupid that I fucking fell asleep the first time I had a real chance to talk to him properly.

“Aww love don’t be sad maybe next time” he said rubbing my shoulder.

“Yeah or maybe he’ll never invite me again cuz I’m so boring” I said burying my face in his chest.

“No you are not….just sleep yeah, I’ll be back with dinner, and don’t think too much, cuz if he can’t see you for who you are then he is wrong” he said rubbing soothing circles on my back.

The ache in my throat was a bit better but I felt run down like I’d been walking for days with no sleep. So sleeping seemed like a very good idea at this point.

I fell asleep thinking about crinkly blue eyes and why he was so sad while he mentioned his family, after Niall tucked me in with a kiss to my forehead.


	5. Chapter 5

**_Louis’ POV_ **

 

‘Time heals everything’ that’s the common saying right? But what if that time is nowhere near? It’s been seven months and it still hurts as bad as it did, the very first day.

28th August…I’ll never forget that day. The day I’d lost everything in the blink of an eye. Was life supposed to be this hard? As they laid her down on the ground, I never thought that’d be the day that I would lose everything I had.

Crying over the fact never lessen the pain by a fraction. So I just got up to go out in the hope to buy some food. I could never be there for my little sisters but the mere possibility of seeing them again someday was enough to help me survive.

And then there was this stranger down the hall with a runny nose, who was infuriatingly beautiful even in his sleep and who had been incredibly kind to me even with my numerous attempts to blow him off. And the strangest thing was that as soon as he walked out of the door the pain that dulled by his presence was back in full force.

As I walked down the aisle after helping myself with some bread and other eatables my eyes landed on the soup cans…“No, this is not good, I should not be worried about a certain curly haired guy with a runny nose who could use a soup at this time “I thought to myself. But a part of me was craving to see him again, just to dull the pain which I was feeling inside, since he walked out of my apartment.

~~~

 And when I was standing in front of Harry’s door with a bowl of chicken soup it didn’t seem like such a bad idea and that was what terrified me the most “What if I lost him too? What is going to happen if he realizes I am nothing but damaged goods?” Meanwhile, I forgot that I had knocked the door and a very sleepy and ruffed haired red faced creature was opening the door for me.

 Oh god this is not fair. How could he still manage to look endearing even when he is sleepy?

“Hi….” a dimpled smile instantly greeted me making my insides flutter.

“Hey …hi …sorry to wake you up but…. soup?” I said awkwardly standing on his door.

“Oh you really shouldn’t have but thank you…it’s so sweet of you” he said as he gestured me to come inside. This, according to me, was as clean as an apartment could get. Harry had all sorts of colors in his living room. There were fairy lights by the far wall near the window and the place smelled like flowers and home. As soon as I reached the couch near the coffee table, a happy little Gus greeted me with a huge lick on my face as he jumped on me.

“You know I’m a little jealous….” Harry said and I gave him a confused look. “Because I’m pretty sure he likes you more than me” he said scrunching his nose with something that seemed like fond.

 

“Oh…I think it is because of all the snot on you...” I said teasing him a bit.

“Heyyyyyyyyy…..” he said in mock offence.

“I’m gonna go grab a spoon…so would you like a cuppa?” he asked as he walked towards the open kitchen where there was a vase of fresh flowers on the breakfast bar.

“No. But I’d like a beer if you have one?” I said.

“Sure” he smiled and it was impossible not to stare at those dimples that popped out without any warning.

There was a sense of comfort I felt around him which made it impossible for me to physically feel the pain that was usually omnipresent.

“Here you go” he said giving me the beer as he sat down beside me to have the soup. And the way those ringlets tired to escape from his hat made it all the more endearing to watch him eat with a sniffling sound.

There was silence. But not the awkward kind, but the one you feel when you sit with an old friend, the one that just comforts you knowing that they are around. A part of my brain was telling me to end it before I got addicted to those dimples and smiles which sometimes make me forget why it is difficult for me to breathe, but the other part just wanted to be with him and stay in the warmth that he brought with his mere presence. And then there was his dog in my lap refusing to budge.

“Thank you so much for the soup” I heard him saying which pulled me out of my thoughts.

“Umm…no need for that” I replied looking down since looking at him wasn’t clearly an option. “ _Get yourself together Tommo you’re not a teenage girl with a crush on this adorable soft…_ _ugh”_ I was psyching myself without a real success at my side.

“So did you like the city?” he asked with a genuine interest like the one you can see in a child’s eyes when they keep asking about anything and everything they lay their eyes on. No I wasn’t supposed to be this enamored by something like this.

“Never got a chance to go out actually” I replied meekly because I knew I had chances but going out and interacting with actual people was too much at this point when laying on the bed and crying until the sleep took over seemed like a welcoming idea.

“Oh…so what keeps you so busy that you never got time to go out? You have a job? ” he asked with a hint of frown as if me not going out was affecting this stranger so much or if how I felt was clearly written on my face to see for everyone.

“Yeah I work at the book store three blocks away and it usually closes late so I never got time to do anything else” I just left it there looking at anything but him.

“So what do you do harry?” I asked to avert his gaze from me.

“Oh I…..I write songs for this friend of mine, his name is Ed. He owns a pub and some evenings if I get a chance I sing some of them too” he replied with a spark in his eyes “It’s not much but yeah I love it. I met Ed when I first shifted here and went to his pub one night he caught me writing some lines on a tissue and just asked me If I could write for him which was pretty awkward at first ‘cause those were just two lines you see but then….” I didn’t know when I lost the track of time or what he was saying. All I knew was that I couldn’t stop staring in those eyes and the way those lips kept moving and how those gangly arms moved all around while he was telling me the story. I was captivated all of that so it was not my fault that I didn’t catch the second half of the story.

“And I have this annoying big sister but I swear to god she’s adopted” he said with false irritation when his voice was clearly affectionate while talking about her. But when he started talking about his sister it reminded me about my own sisters and the reality came crashing down on me that I would possibly never see my little sisters again and probably would never be able to talk about them in front of anyone without breaking into a million pieces all at once. So I thought it was better for me to just leave now.

“Hey umm...Thank you for the beer I think I’ll just head home” I said uneasily getting up before the tightness in my chest started to feel more like a rope strangulating me.

“Okay yeah… and you’re welcome” he replied confusedly at sudden change in my behavior.

“It was good that you came Lou” he said softly as I was going out of the door and the nickname was practically enough for me to turn around and give him a smile which I really wanted to do but the sound part, the defensive part, was stronger so I just waved bye and left before the tears came.

Even though the inevitable tears were falling down on the pillow while I was lying in my bed, for the first time in a long time I didn’t dream of that cold empty night.

 

~~~

****

**_Two Days Later_ **

 

“No Brian it’s not the same, it’s not like I’m out here enjoying the night…I have a shop to manage for fucks sake” Liam said with gritted teeth and hung up the phone after a few seconds.

“Hey you okay?” I was concerned because it was the first time I had seen Liam so upset.

I met Liam a week after I had moved to London. I was just passing by this book shop and the ‘salesperson needed’ sign caught my attention. And before I knew I was given a job by this very kind stranger who looked like a mixture of a serious boxer with a smile that could melt stone cold hearts. Despite all his best efforts I never talked to him properly from the time we had met but he was very friendly and always had a big smile on his face when he is talking to me. He was the most caring and kind person I had come across.

“Yeah I’m okay it’s just my boyfriend” he replied sighing. “Oh…” he looked at his watch “I am so sorry Louis…I know it’s too late. I’ll close the shop now and you can head home for the day” he said, he was clearly not okay because for the first time that smile was absent.

“Okay…take care” I smiled and gave him a hug to which he reacted a little late as he was surprised by the sudden change in me and I did not blame him for that. And then I left the shop. I was a bit worried about him but I thought this was not the right time to talk about it.

As I opened the door to my apartment and turned on the lights I nearly died of a heart attack because my arsehole of a best friend, Zayn was sitting on the couch like a murderer.

“You’re literally going to be the death of me someday” I hugged him with a relief that almost made me weak in the knees.

“It’s good to see you too bebs” he hugged me tight and it felt as if we were back at home.

“How’s everyone Zayn? How are my little sisters?” I asked looking in those brown eyes and feeling the tears well up in mine.

“They are good Lou they just miss you a lot….Lottie and Fizzy have grown so much and don’t get me started on the number of boys I had to threaten” he said laughing, which reminded me just how much I was missing them.

“I miss them too Zayn and I really wanted to talk to them, but every time I tried he wouldn’t let me” I told him and I couldn’t stop myself from crying. I sat down on the floor because it physically hurt to stand. The thought of not being able to see my sisters when they needed me the most, especially after mum’s death, made me sick.

"Everything will get better Lou I promise, things will get better. We can call Lottie tomorrow. She asked me to give you her number since she didn’t have yours” he held me and was rubbing my back and the fact that I would be able to hear my sister’s voice the next day made the breathing easier. I wanted to call her right that instant but Zayn was right, and tomorrow was the better choice because I was in no state of talking coherently at this time. I was their big brother and I should be strong for them. Even though they had not seen me in ages, I knew that they would look up to me.

Eventually as my tears dried down and the tremors stopped Zayn got up and he made sandwich for the both of us which we ate in silence. I knew he had so much to tell me but could only say so much if I reacted so poorly.

“How are Daisy and Phoebe” I asked timidly.

“They’re mischievous as ever, you’ve got competition Lou” he replied smiling but somewhat wary.

“Hmm..” was all I could manage to say as I got up to put the plates in the kitchen.

“Hey Lou I forgot to tell you, there was a cupcake and a note outside your door when I came here, I have kept it on the kitchen table” he said.

For a second I stopped because I had completely forgotten about the mysterious notes which I use to find at my door. The fact that there was someone leaving them on doorway was weird and awkward but those little things did help me get through the days in the past. I know that someone was watching me and I should be careful about it but then those notes were cute and never meant any harm so I never bothered to worry about them. But one thing was definite that I really wanted to meet this person someday.

“Is that supposed to be a gift or something from someone?” He asked while scrolling through his phone.

“To be honest I don’t know Zayn” I told him and he looked up from his phone and asked “what do you mean you don’t know?” and I continued “I know it’s weird but there are these little notes and a cupcake sometimes at my door but I never bothered much about it” I replied somewhat nervous as to what he might think.

 “Lou you know that’s not good” he said in a worried tone “It’s sweet but still it could be anyone”.

“Yeah I know but I really don’t know what to do about it” I said as I wandered off into the kitchen to pick up the note and the cupcake.

**Summertime and butterflies**

**All belong to your creation**

There were these two lines with a smiley on the side. I kept it aside and went to my room and brought the last notes and picking up the one I received today handed them all to Zayn “See…how can I possibly think that someone who wrote these notes would be threatening in any way?”

“I know but please be careful yeah?” he said, concerned, and I know he was worried and was trying to protect me. It had always been him and me against the world from day one. It was him who had listened to my whispered confessions at night about how I didn’t like girls. It was him who held me when I cried my eyes out because my dad told me I am a disgrace to the family when I came out to him. It was always him. Whether it was a playground full of mean kids who always picked on me or the whole world against me I knew he would always be there.

We spent rest of the night talking about every stupid thing we could remember from our childhood and neither of us paid attention to what time it was. It was when my phone lit up with a notification showing 12:45 it occurred to me that it is really late.

“Its 12.45” I told him.

“Oh yeah... you should sleep Lou. You have work tomorrow right?” he got up “I can take the couch” he said as he went to get the blanket.

 “No Zayn, you don’t have to take the couch. You can sleep in my room, that’s alright and I really don’t wanna sleep alone” I said frowning because I knew Zayn wouldn’t melt for a cuddle that easily.

“Fine” he replied rolling his eyes as walked ahead of me to the bedroom.

Sleep wasn’t that easy like usual but today at least it felt like home with Zayn here. I slept to the thought of seeing my sisters again someday. And as soon as sleep took over, a dimpled smile was the last thing I saw behind my closed eyelids.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I dedicate this chapter to Ammy xx ;)  
> It wouldn't have been possible without you.  
> You know I love u xx


	6. Chapter 6

_**Harry’s POV** _

It was 6 am and the day started same as any other. “Isn’t She Lovely” by Stevie Wonder was playing softly in the background while I was nursing my tea. Everything was same except there was this single thought that consumed my mind for most of the time these days. It had been two days since I had last seen Louis leaving my door with tear rimmed eyes. And seeing him like that was hurting me so much and if I could I would’ve done anything to take away that pain from him.

  
While waiting for the last batch of cupcakes to be done I sat down to write the note that I was going to leave on his door today.

  
“Good Morning Haz” Niall startled me out of my thoughts.

  
“How are ya?” he asked me with that ever present smile on his face.

  
This little Irish shit has been smiling since the first day I met him at the culinary school. He was one of the most easygoing people I had ever met in my life. One second there was this stranger, who I had been partnered with and the now here we were after four years, inseparable.

  
“I’m good” I replied.

  
“Doesn’t seem like it” he said with an obvious question mark at the end.

  
“I don’t know Ni I just can’t seem to stop thinking about him. It’s been two days and I kind of miss him and want to see him.” I replied somewhat irritated about the whole situation.

  
“Come on Haz, stop sulking will ya and do something about it” Niall said in an exasperated tone.

  
“I’m not sulking okay” I replied as I pulled off my apron to go back home after my shift.

  
‘’Sure’’ he said rolling his eyes and walked towards the counter and I couldn’t care less. So what if I was a little sad about not seeing Louis for two days, not everyone is happy every second of everyday.

  
“Hey Haz, I think you should talk to him about the notes and the cupcakes mate” Niall said when I was about to leave.

  
“Yeah? And tell him what? Hi I’m the creep who’s been keeping those notes with cupcakes at your door?? He’s going to freak out and hate me for doing that Ni. You don’t know…I can’t seem to figure him out. I mean one second he is bringing me soup and we are talking and the next moment he just bolts for no apparent reason. And trust me when I am telling you that talking to him about the notes and cupcakes is not going to help here” I sighed sitting down and laying my head on my folded arms over the table.

  
‘’What was I even thinking while writing those notes for Louis? Yeah sure I had seen him with the cupcake in the elevator once but that didn’t necessarily mean that he liked the notes or the mere aspect of some stranger sending those to him…I don’t know Niall…I feel so stupid and confused’’

  
Niall hugged me “Its alright Haz…I know everything will work out somehow”. I didn’t know if that is going to happen or not but somehow I did felt better. It was merely impossible to not smile in Niall’s presence.

  
“Maybe you could ask him out to the lads night we planned this weekend it won’t be awkward since we’ll all be there and I will get to see what’s got you so strung up” he said smiling.

  
“I don’t know Ni if he will even agree to that” I said because by the look of current events I know the chances of that happening were slim.

  
“Come on Haz…you can at least try” he said rubbing my back.

  
“Okay I will, but if he says no then that’s on you and be prepared for real actual sulking”.

  
“Wanna bet?’’ he wiggled his eyebrows and I couldn’t stop smiling.

  
“Because I know he won’t be able to resist those dimples” he said poking one to prove his point, which felt more like he was trying to irritate me.

  
“Okay fine” I said getting away from his sticky fingers on my face.

  
On my way out Niall simply hugged me “don’t worry too much I’ll see ya later”. I smiled and got out of the shop.

Walking through the quiet streets of London in the cold morning was somewhat hauntingly beautiful.

  
~~~

  
As I opened the door to my apartment I found a sleepy Gus underneath the fairy lights. Looking at the little monster sleeping I was convinced that he just had a problem with me sleeping.

  
After fixing myself with a cup of tea and Gus with a bowl of his usual food I sat down to write the note.

 

 **Once in a lifetime**  
**It’s just right**  
**And we are always safe**  
**Not even the bad guys**  
**In the dark night**  
**Could take it all away**

 

Louis won’t know who had sent this note but I hoped maybe these lines would convey the things I actually wanted to say to his face.

  
The more notes I started to leave the more I was convinced that maybe it wasn’t a very good idea. But since I had seen him with the cupcake, it was good to know that at least he wasn’t throwing them away along with the notes.

  
Like always keeping the cupcake and note quietly on the door mat I tugged Gus towards the lift. If it were up to him he would actually sit there happily on Louis’ front door waiting. I swear Gus liked him more than me, and I couldn’t blame him. I mean let’s be honest I’d do the same, if it were not for the basic etiquette of personal space and manners. I was really going out of mind for this boy.

 

Morning walk was always something that Gus enjoyed the most. What with all the birds and the joggers he could happily chase in the park.“

 

No Gus, come here boy” I tried to tug him out from under the bench. Apparently he enjoyed chasing the butterflies. When one flew away from his reach it lead to the search for a new one. 

“Harry, is that you?” I heard an oddly familiar voice calling me from behind.

  
I turned around and it was Alex, my high school friend or ex boyfriend to be accurate.

  
“Oh hey Hi, it’s great to see you Alex” I hugged him, somewhat shocked to see him after so many years.

Last I had heard he was at the States. We had both split on good terms, what with him going so far away. Seeing him again brought back all the good old memories of getting drunk for the first time and the first kiss I had. It was a nostalgic feeling to see him after so many years.

  
“How have you been? And what are you doing here?” I asked while Gus returned besides me to look at the stranger he was seeing for the very first time.

  
“I was in States and came back here like two months ago on a business trip and I just never went back. I was homesick.” he replied with a genuine smile on his face. He didn’t talk much on the topic but for now this was enough.

  
“And who might be this” he crouched down to Gus' level.

  
“Oh he's my monster of a dog Gus” I replied rubbing his ears.

  
“Aww he's so cute” he said as he ruffled Gus' head.

  
Alex didn’t change much. He was the same as I remembered him…all shy smiles, dirty blond hair and soft brown eyes. I could say he made my life a little easier during high school.

  
“So I was thinking if you’re free this weekend maybe we could go out for dinner? Catch up on things?” he asked with an uncertainty which was very much like the younger version of him.

  
“Oh I would love to” I replied.

  
“Here enter your number and just text me your address yeah?” he said handing me his phone.

  
After giving him my number we both sat on a bench remembering all the silly things that made up our child hood.The days we spent climbing the old tree in my backyard. We laughed over how I got stuck in the tree once and Alex was running around screaming for help with tears streaming down his face, and how he was the one who was calmed down by both of our mums, despite of me being the one in a cast for a month due to the accident.

  
After an hour we both said goodbye and headed our separate ways. It was difficult for me to tug an enamored Gus away from the colorful butterflies.

  
As I turned around the corner and looked towards Louis’ door, a relieved breath escaped my mouth when I saw that the cupcake and note were both missing and were hopefully in the hands of the very person I wanted to see so badly, it was becoming irrational.

 

~~~

  
Finally after the usual ordeal of any given morning I walked out of my apartment and into the lift to be met by none other than Louis who looked painfully beautiful with messy brown fringe and an oversized lavender jumper. I was enchanted with every little thing about this person, from those fingers peeking out of the long sleeves to the tired blue eyes which indicated lack of sleep. Everything was just simply endearing.

  
And once again I was so busy staring at the actual angel in a human form, that I almost missed a hand around Louis’ waist. There stood an almost unrealistically gorgeous man besides Louis. All dark hair and soft hazel brown eyes with cheekbones sculpted by the gods themselves.

  
“Hi Curly” Louis waved shyly at me. It was the first time I willingly saw him talking to me. The shock of it wore off almost too quickly because there was this possessive arm littered with numerous tattoos around him.

  
“Hi Lou” I replied anyways not looking away from Louis’ eyes. I could see the other man smiling at Louis with so much adoration like he admired every little thing about him. And the way Louis leaned onto him showed how much this person meant to him.

  
“How are you Lou” I asked him.

  
“I’m good” he replied with a genuine smile which crinkled his eyes almost to the point where they were barely open. Lift doors opened on the ground floor and we all got out.

  
“Ahem babe who’s your friend” the beautiful man asked him.

  
“Oh sorry how rude of me Harry this is Zayn...Zayn this is Harry my neighbour” he gestured towards me.

  
“Nice to meet you Harry” Zayn shook hand with me. If I wasn’t insanely jealous of this god like person which could be Louis’ boyfriend, what with the nick name and holding him around the waist, I would have replied with the same sentiment.

  
“Umm yeah, see you soon Lou” I waved at him and fled the seen as soon as possible.

  
He would’ve surely told Zayn about the notes and now I was pretty scared about what he would think of me if he’ll know that it was me all along.

  
Lost in thoughts I reached the bakery with a tired body and a sinking feeling in my stomach.

  
“Hi Haz” Niall greeted me with a huge smile that never left his face.

 

If Niall thought that I was sulking in the morning, he had something else coming along his way that he was totally unaware of.Sensing the lack of my response, he left the order he was packing and stood beside me with a worried look “Hazza everything okay?”

 

"No Ni, nothing is okay I feel so stupid” I said leaning on him for the support only he could provide me.

 

“I saw Louis today and he was with his boyfriend, and from what I saw in those two minutes he’s a really good guy and he adores him, and he was really fit” I said feeling more and more sullen as I told him everything.

  
“Okay now…just take a breath and stop for a minute. So tell me…did Louis say that the other person that you are talking so highly of was his boyfriend?” Niall asked.

  
“No, but it looked like that and I could see it” I said which sounded more like whining to me, which was embarrassing to be honest, but at this point I couldn’t care less.

  
Niall took me to the far end towards the last table and gave me a water bottle to drink while he finished packing his order. As I looked up I saw the girl who was eyeing Perri the other day was back and supposedly this time not so shy to go up to Pez. I could see them talking and blushing over something, and it was endearing to watch. I was glad that she finally had the courage to actually go and tell Pez that she liked her, which brought me back to my situation which sadly involves a boyfriend as of today.

  
I had laid my head on the table when Niall returned with a croissant. “So did you ask him out?”

  
“Seriously Ni? You think I would ask him out when he would rather want to spend his time with his boyfriend” I rolled my eyes pushing the French pastry away and laying my head back on my arms again because clearly nothing was helping me at this point. I thought maybe if I buried my head and slept through it, I won’t feel as bad when I wake up.

  
“Listen Harry, he DID NOT say that this person is his boyfriend and I promise you that if you don’t ask him out I will which is going to be embarrassing” and that was the end of Niall Horan's speech for taking me out of my bad mood.

  
The whole day was composed of a blushing Perri, every time Niall teased her about Valerie, the girl who finally asked her out after so many visits to the bakery. Niall kept giving me side glances which could only be defined as glares, warning me to ask Louis out before the weekend which gave me only two days to muster up the strength to do so. And then there was poor me stuck between the thoughts of a blue eyed hedgehog who might have a boyfriend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again your constant nagging made this possible Ammy :)  
> I would love to dedicate this chapter to Ammy and my little sister.  
> All the love xx

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so sorry for all the mistakes this is my first fic.
> 
> Comments and kudos are appreciated.  
> I hope to learn how I can improve.  
> And I know nothing about writing, so there's that.  
> All the love <3


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